I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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