I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
