What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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