I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
