i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
