Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
