so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
