I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
