Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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