the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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