That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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