Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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