Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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