New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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