What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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