I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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