She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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