My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
