If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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