I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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