Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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