He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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