sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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