Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
