I think i peed on brittanys purse
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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