You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
