the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
