what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
