he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
