hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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