ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
