I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
