The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
