if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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