bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
