i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
