Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
