How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
