no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
