things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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