she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
