I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
