Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
