dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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