At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
