I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
