i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
