thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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