I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
