We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
