She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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