Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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