# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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