matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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