remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
