oh god the rape fog is back!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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