Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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