I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
