im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
