I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
