are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
