went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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