thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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