I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
