I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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