he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
