oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
