was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
