Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
