I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize