ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
