So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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