If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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