i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
