He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
